The Chronic Diaries

Ashes To Ashes

Physical and mental breakdowns are like an uncontrollable fire that we often feel will never end. Surviving that inferno is incredibly difficult, but if you can fight through it, you will be able to rise from the ashes and live to fight another day!

Breathless

The oxygen that keeps us alive can be temporarily taken away in an instant when the pain gets to unbearable levels, and the only way we can get any sort of relief is through a machine that gives us the extra oxygen we need.

Growth

Through all the hardships including learning to live with a myriad of health conditions, all the doctors visits, all the tests and all the setbacks, one thing is for certain. My experiences with my health have helped me grow as a person, and have helped made me who I am today.

Nurture

There are things that those who are healthy take for granted, such as being able to walk, run, or even just having a shower without passing out. Being chronically ill changes all that. It helps you to appreciate the small things and the things that others take for granted.

Bubble

We all have our own little worlds that we escape to inside our heads. They are supposed to be like little bubbles that keep us safe and happy. However, some of our bubbles are like our own personal version of hell.

Stuck

When you are chronically ill, it feels as if you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, or in this instance, stuck between two giant rocks. You begin to believe that you will never be able to escape and that you will forever feel crushed by the pressure and pain that the rocks cause.

Faceless

Sometimes things happen in our lives that change us, they change us so much that we lose our identity, we become a shell of what we once were, we become faceless. Will you allow yourself to succumb to the pain of not knowing who you are, or will you stand and fight to regain your identity?

Anxiety

Anxiety can change your life. It can get so bad that you can no longer do things that you use to be able to do, you become afraid of things that you once loved, and it can make you never want to leave the house again and just wither away until you meet your bitter end.

Insanity

There are times where we crack under pressure, all the pain and suffering get too much, and we can’t handle it anymore. We lose all of our sanity that we once had. It can be terrifying when it happens, but we have to find a way to calm down and not let our inner demons take us over the edge.

Fix Me

Fix me, doctor. Fix me please. All I ask is that you find a cure, or some sort of relief. I’m sick of being bound in these bandages that are doing absolutely nothing to help.

Twisted

The human body is confusing. My body is extremely confusing. It doesn't know what it wants to do, so it's always twisting and turning and doing all sorts of things that I don't understand that cause me so much grief, both physically and mentally. My body is my own personal version of hell.

A Fragmented Soul

With every new diagnosis I get, I feel like I'm losing a little bit more of my soul each time. My body is no longer what it once was, and my soul has shared the same fate.

Bedside

When you are chronically ill, it’s as if bed simultaneously becomes both your best friend and your worst enemy. You find yourself despising the fact that you are stuck in bed constantly, but at the same time it is a much more comfortable place to be while you are unwell.

Boxed In

One of the hardest parts about being chronically ill is the isolation that it can cause us to go through. We become so ill that we physically can’t even leave the house for weeks or months on end. It feels as if our bodies and minds have trapped us in a box of some sort, and it often feels as if we will never be able to get out of that box and enjoy life ever again.

Brace For Impact

Sometimes you can feel the fatigue coming on, other times you can't and it hits you so hard that it knocks you on your feet and it feels like you won't be able to get back up. When you do feel the fatigue coming on, brace for impact and try to push through it, no matter how exhausting it may get.

The Clouded Mind

Brain fog, a cognitive malfunction where you lose all focus and you can’t think straight, is a common occurrence that everyone experiences. One of the many symptoms of one of my health conditions is a scary type of brain fog where due to a malfunction of my nerves between my brain and body, the fog can get so bad I lose my ability to speak or even function at all for a period of time.

By A Thread

There are times in our lives where we are so on edge and everything is going so wrong that we feel that life isn't worth it. It feels like the threads of life are about to snap and we are about to descend down a dark path which can't be reversed. Will you escape the breaking thread and keep on fighting, or will you wait for it to snap and let the knife fall and claim you as its victim? I have chosen to fight!

The Breaking

When you first begin to realise how sick you are, your world starts to crumble down around you. It may only crumble a small bit at first, but once the symptoms begin to take over, it crumbles so much that it can seem impossible to keep your mind, body and spirit from completely breaking down.

Reflections I Despise

These reflections are not what I envisioned. I am weak, frail, skin and bone and I cannot bear to see even a glimpse of what I have become.

Suffocation

Chronic illness can be suffocating both physically and mentally. It can drain every last bit of energy we have and it feels as if we have a plastic bag over our heads choking every last bit of life out of our bodies.

Crippling

Chronic pain can take someone down for months at a time, where in those months they are rarely able to even get out of bed. It changes a persons life forever, and it can get so bad that they are never able to live their lives the same way again. It can be completely crippling.

Discarded

Being chronically ill, you quickly find out who you can trust, and who you shouldn't have trusted in the first place. Once you start to get sick some of your so called "friends" can often throw your friendship away and make you feel like complete trash, all because of something that is out of your control.